Ever notice how Thanksgiving and Christmas tend to bring out blues in some and blessings in others? Or how lonely people see vast spaces between themselves and others – even at festive holiday tables?
First glances show people blessed with close family and friends feel blessed over holidays while those alone feel abandoned. Not so. Loneliness replays for some yearly, in spite of holiday situations. A stored sense of misery, or fears of lost opportunity may well be stored in your amygdala, and that rerun reaction explains feelings of isolation for some while others cherish holiday cheer.
Researchers John Cacioppo and others may help explain why some people shop til their bank accounts drop – but still feel isolated at family feasts. New answers show why holiday blues for some becomes business boom for others, and could also help you free up more holiday happiness. How so? 
- Pleasure centers of lonely people light up with images of objects faster than with images of other people.
- Lonely people tend to increase their sense of alienation by not seeking out interactions with others, as they don’t see these will satisfy.
Scrooge with loads of money and no friends likely says it best. Not surprisingly, imaging of a lonely person’s brain also showed less activity in areas of the brain that understand other’s views or needs, and so further distance themselves from social bonding.
Loneliness is bad for your health
While still unsure if loneliness comes more from your gene pool or from social experiences, researchers do agree on toxic outcomes. Feelings of isolation often lead to serious cases depression, obesity, high blood pressure, heart problems, and many stress related illnesses.
Those who remain alone in live tend to die younger and enjoy less quality of life in senior years. Mother Teresa described feelings of being unwanted as “the most terrible poverty.”
If loneliness is bad for your health, and if feelings of isolation are often choices, is it also true that people choose health problems that come from a sense of abandonment? That answer is less evident in the research and yet will likely be quite clear if you engage intrapersonal intelligence and reflect of how we change and grow mentally.
Rewire for holiday well being
With a few mental adjustments, that business boom need not come at personal expense this holiday season. Fortunately, you possess a unique ability to rewire negative emotions stored in your amygdala – from feeling isolated and bitter – to fully expecting fun with others in this holiday season. How so?
Act now on what you’d value in your future. Research shows how actions literally reshape your brain for more of what you expect.
Smile, regardless of how you feel, for example, and your brain’s plasticity changes in your favor. The action triggers your brain to create new neuron pathways toward a happier reality.
Give even a small gift of encouragement or support, without conditions, and in spite of personal loss. In response, your brain raises levels of serotonin chemicals for sustainable well being.
Mimic the actions of a person you most admire for their holiday spirit, and your brain rewires dendrite brain cells for more of the same admirable spirit in you. Develop a new intelligence at the same time, and your brain rewires itself for further growth in that area.
Laugh, especially at yourself, and not only will others laugh with you, but your brain will create enzymes for clear thinking, better learning and adventures brimming over with possibilities in spite of turbulent times.
Discover one new insight by converting a rut into a renewed reality you’d like others to see in you. Phone one person you dislike today and invite that person to lunch to find out what’s working well in life. Curiosity and this call moves your brain’s basal ganglia from the rut of loathing into newly created possibilities lived from within your working memory.
Support one person who thinks on the opposing side of your own holiday views, and watch how your concrete defense of that person will leave you mentally able to override your brain’s default for ruts that held you back in past. The action shows you new possibilities where you may have slipped into limiting problems in past.
Can you see how brain based recommendations here carry you beyond hopeful or positive thinking? Do a few simple behaviors, and your brain does the rest for you.
Use any one of the above brainpower tools by simply doing a related act and you’ll spark brain cell regeneration for more satisfaction over any holiday. Or create a brain power tool of your own and then use it, in spite of troubled times. Scientifically speaking, these tips come from neurogenesis research on how adult brains can grow new cells or regenerate old ones.
Worth a try to communicate colors where you once showed only sorrow for a festive event?
YOUR TURN! Join our Brain Based Circles! Would love to meet you at any of the following!
Brain Leaders and Learners Blog
Mita Brain Center Facebook
efweber on Pinterest
@ellenfweber on Twitter
ellenfweber on Instagram
Ellen Weber on Google+
Ellen Weber on LinkedIn
Created by Ellen Weber, Brain Based Tasks for Growth Mindset
Pingback: Tone Disagrees without Toxins – Brain Leaders and Learners
Interestingly some research shows that some people value money over relationships and that they find satisfaction in objects. My thought is that these people can also grow to be lonely as they age because they haven’t developed relationships. I agree that they need to gain more of the social or interpersonal skills they never developed. Then they could make their lives an even more satisfying experience. These skills are not learned overnight, but like the rest of us, new risks need to be tried to acquire the skills.
I think awareness of how this rewiring can happen also helps you defend against the tools marketers are consistently coming up to play on pre-existing emotional tendencies. Simply thinking through why you have a positive reaction to an advertisement can highlight the disconnect between promise and the actual physical attributes being sold. (Like when beer commercials promise great parties and social gatherings because of the drink. Thinking it through makes it easy to see the great gathering is going to occur for reasons well outside what is being served on most occasions.)