What if the New Year Propelled Robust Peace?

23 thoughts on “What if the New Year Propelled Robust Peace?”

1. Elen December 28, 2011 at 6:53 pm

   Thanks for your kind words Dave. I especially valued your words and the ways you model these online – “If you respect the other party try involving your feelings, then you start to create a real relationship … from then on, from my experience anything is possible.”

   I likely have less emphasis on politics than most – but could change that if I saw equity and valor return to leadership in ways espoused by leader’s candidacy speeches:-).

   Finally – I echo the hope that flows from your thoughtful notion – “We just need to communicate with each other and through co-operation make some decisions about what we want to create in our future … and set about changing things that don’t fit with the new paradigm we envisage.”

   Thanks Dave, I value your wisdom.
2. David Sanders December 27, 2011 at 10:18 pm

   Hi Ellen,

   Communication between two people indeed conveys much more than the actual words, it is a total experience or tone, eyes, facial expression (perhaps even complexion) posture and the total perception of the body language …

   Yes tone and the attention you give to the other party through your focus are not only key indicators of communication, but also the depth of your attention. If you respect the other party try involving your feelings, then you start to create a real relationship … from then on, from my experience anything is possible.

   Commitment to a viable outcome as well as the right attitude is something I have spoken of before …. it you believe that an positive outcome will make a difference in people’s lives then you will fight with your every breathe to make it so.

   When I am in a meeting, I also have some insight to what is going on below the surface … but truly if you are in a discussion with someone, surely the best place to start is to understand the needs of others; what is important to the other party … as essentially this gives you a starting point .. well really an end point to know why they are in this room with you … a lot of these also comes in through the other senses in the form of cues, particularly in their response to you … that is why when I am in a meeting … I like to watch how the parties respond, I sometimes receive much more insights and information by doing that, than listening to their words.

   But first things first, you need to go into any meeting, any discussion in good faith that you actually want to achieve a positive outcome, not to merely take up time. I was born in Asia, when my Dad was working there, and the art of discussion is an art form, it can be overly polite go on forever and decide nothing, sounds a bit like Statesmanship … which to me seems all about taking days to achieve nothing, but to say gee we have tried to achieve an understanding, when there was no intent to do this in the first place. Again these sorts of flawed strategies are there to give a perception of doing something, when there never was any intent in the first place of reaching an understanding – you know how it looks rather than how it actually is – well back to politics again.

   Perhaps if we start with the point when you know what others want, what is mission critical to them, by being truthful and open (now there’s a new idea) and say, OK .. I know that this is what you want, I cannot give you that, but I can go part way there and give you this – then if the other party perceives you are being truthful as you have already built up a relationship an positive outcome, which may only be partly what each sides want will occur, it’s called a compromise … works much better than brinkmanship.

   Being open and approachable has always worked for me, I suggest you focus, take your ego out of gear (or at least control it), engage your feelings, and relate to the other party and seek to understand why they are talking to you, that way you will understand what it is they really want, not only what it is they say they want.

   I sincerely hope you are right about Peace … peace would bring Creativity, Collaboration, Community, Co-operation, Conservation, Co-Existence, Communication & Compassion and perhaps even the establishment of common goals and dreams … lots of powerfully good words start with C … unfortunately a negative one as well … control .. a favourite of Governments and bureaucracies around the world.

   We just need to communicate with each other and through co-operation make some decisions about what we want to create in our future … and set about changing things that don’t fit with the new paradigm we envisage.

   Thanks Ellen, its always nice chatting with you ..
3. eweber Post authorDecember 27, 2011 at 8:41 pm

   Thanks Dave you put forward many key ideas here and others will likely wish to respond also. I’d like to pick your statements: “We have to stop thinking that the end-game for any negotiation where we don’t get our way is to pick up a gun.

   As Noam Chomsky said “Everyone’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s really an easy way: Stop participating in it”

   From the brain’s perspective – each time we act – we literally change the human brain. As you stated so well – it would take action from each of us to awaken the peacekeeper within.

   Would you agree that tone, for instance, is one way to avoid the kind of confrontation that leads to further conflict? I have become aware that my own tone has been anything but peacekeeping at times, and that practicing better tone skills can help me to build goodwill with even those who disagree.

   What do you think about peaceful communication as a way to help find answers in tough situations? Thanks, Dave for the many experiences you shared here.

   Which would be your best tactic for changing one dilemma you have identified? Perhaps others have one too. Seems like a place to start – since we each control the equipment in our own brains – which are poised for peace or poised for war. Much to thank about thanks to your delightful challenges, Dave! Perhaps 2012 will open new segues into the peace many crave!
4. David Sanders December 27, 2011 at 7:42 pm

   Hi Ellen .. thanks for the invitation. I will try and keep in brief. This is not meant to be a full treatment of the many points you have raised. But if this comment irritates some, spur them into action, perhaps even deep penetrating thought instead of some predictable knee jerk response, then I believe it will have done its job. I will also inevitably develop this further for one of my own blogs.

   I think peace is possible, but much within us has to change. But think of how better life would be worldwide if we created instead of taking the easy way to destroy.

   I look at the mess we are in, and I wonder will there ever be change short of a peaceful revolution, but even that would be misdirected, because the real problem with our society is that we value the wrong things – for me the only way we can change the future is to change what our children are taught to value. I cannot see any long term change until we start to do this … how about we start with the basic principle of Socrates http://bit.ly/qW3zgk , further let’s look at Gandhi 7 dangers to Human Virtue (http://bit.ly/sPYqjs) we as a world, don’t comply with one item on either list .. Robert Louis Stevenson said “Everybody, sooner or later, sits down to a banquet of consequences” – I think we will choke on ours when our time comes, as it inevitably will.

   Countries make friends and reach understanding when they start to Trade, in other words when they form relationships, we need to seek to understand others. A dream of mine is why not lets all of us, reach out to someone more often as not to make a new friend … pretty soon the whole world would be a friend or a friend of a friend, then we would have a understanding and perhaps the start on the road to peace. Once we can relate to another person, regardless of their race, creed, religion, location as a person. Then perhaps we will have some insight to see the world through their eyes, then and only then will the world begin to change.

   By and large our leaders (poor choice of words I know) have no values or moral operating compass. Change will only come about by the will of the majority, to force our servants (???), the politicians to listen. We do however have the “Leadership” we deserve, due to our apathy. The trouble with Politicians, they are expedient in their thinking, something that breeds, amoral thinking. I have never thought that Politicians were worth much, as real people, most aren’t, they are weak, morally bankrupt, corrupt, or just not to bright – but you shout to me “they are bright” well if that is true and this is the best they can do … goodness I can only lament for the future of the human race, as we really are in our end game prior to our self destruction.

   Currently we have few options as the same current flawed thinking exists of both sides of the electoral ballot paper. So what is our response? Systemic change is needed, how do you think we should move forward? There is nothing wrong with change as it has always has been the only constant, but it must be change for the better, not just change for its own sake.

   Sustainable systemic Change that improves the lives long term for of all of mankind is good, change or revolution for its own sake will not work, as violence just breeds violence. Then we have anarchy, and dark times for all.

   Mind you non-violence worked for Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr … perhaps it will work again for us, for mankind as a whole. The establishment will try desperately to maintain control until that fateful moment, when perhaps a Policeman or a credible person, says no, then change will happen and it will come in a heartbeat.

   Whilst the Euro zone is heading for the biggest financial correction in history, some of the ideology behind it is admirable, perhaps we should apply it to the whole of mankind, where everyone has a equal voice, and no one has a veto. This is why the UN doesn’t work.

   Perhaps we should follow those profound words in the US Constitution … “All men (and women of course) are created equal …” these are admirable thoughts which I thoroughly agree with, but to me some men seem to be more equal than others … what’s with that by the way ?

   The only time we seem to pull together as a species when it is a global threat, then when we all have our backs to the wall, side by side, when we are there very soon, look around and you will see that the enemy, as we are the enemy. Everyone knows, or should know that Politicians and vested interest are there to stay in power to perpetuate the now or as President Ronald Reagan said “Status quo, you know, is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in”

   Further, we don’t learn from history, everything we are doing now, has been done before, recently, the Nazi’s, Pol Pot and the killing fields of Cambodia, the British Empire, Serbia, Israel, Palestine, NATO, the Friends alliance in Afghanistan no doubt more to come plus innumerable others I have not mentioned, took the decision to kills millions of people for only one reason (labels), because they were different, they thought differently, they believed in something different, it happened yesterday in Nigeria because of flawed fundamentalism – no loving God believes in killing. By and large these forces of death should no longer exist, but we now have new evils, Washington / NATO, and the military industrial machine, that need wars and consequently death so they can survive and pay dividends in death, so they are really no different from what has come before … they kill innocents and spin it as acceptable collateral damage … they kill, using drones, piloted by some x-box toting functionary 1000 of miles away. Really does Washington, London and Brussels think that they are immune from the consequences of their actions, because if they do, get real, look outside at the world you are creating as a result of your beliefs and you attitudes. I really believe that these evil doers believe it doesn’t apply to them. We have to stop thinking that the end-game for any negotiation where we don’t get our way is to pick up a gun.

   As Noam Chomsky said “Everyone’s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there’s really an easy way: Stop participating in it”

   Truly, I think that the leadership of the world needs a true shakeup, as we transition from the decaying structures and failing systems – We will have to do more with less, and in my view I believe the world would be in far safer hands if we were led by the feminine of the species, women, but by women I don’t mean testosterone in a skirt …

   I truly wonder if the human race will ever grow up, to me we still act as young children at playtime recess. One day Gaea may decide enough is enough, let’s be done with this flawed experiment that is the human race and try again … but then she has all the time in the world, whilst we do not.
5. John B December 27, 2011 at 10:21 am

   Thanks for the inspiration to “be able to articulate and appreciate the other side’s point of view”. Too often we only seek to bolster our own position and belief that we are right by shielding ourselves with evidence/documents that “spin” our point of view.

   Your discussion reminds me of one of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Successful People; that being “Seek to understand before being understood”. If we share this point of view we are open to dialogue and more inclined to seek solutions. We need to learn to play in the sandbox, not draw lines in the sand!
6. eweber Post authorDecember 27, 2011 at 9:07 am

   Susan do let us know what you discover re the Csikszentmihalyi’s research on ordered consciousness and topic of cultivating our minds more!

   Love his work on flow as it integrates many parts of the brain we bring to light – and shows how the hard work of developing new intelligences – often culminates in flow! This is the stuff of innovative leadership we all crave for the coming year, and it’s opposite of blowing up stuff or people who differ:-)

   BTW – Great read at http://bit.ly/vnuvfF – thanks for sharing it!
7. eweber Post authorDecember 27, 2011 at 8:35 am

   Thanks for your kind words, Susan. The next leadership course begins at Bittner School of Business on January 12, and we are already psyched. I like to collaborate the course with Dr. Robyn McMaster – who the students love for her keen insights, leadership fun and unique love for people!

   Would you agree that – the days of “one human show” should have been over long before this? Still it’s fun to faciliate students and a co-leader as a team of investigators who both teach and learn from one another.

   Works miracles as students all identify problems in their workplace – and use the course content + Mita brainpowered tools to design an innovation that will address that problem.

   Then for the final exam – all graduate students invite 5 guests (usually leaders in the field) and we all host a big celebration of innovation. It’s an intellectual trade show of sorts — where innovative ideas fly from all sectors at multiple booths. Students then add final touches to their design – based on others’ insights.

   This course flies in face of traditional papers that fill a pro’s desk and rarely if ever get applied to improved flawed systems. Invention and innovation come alive when diverse participants really do speak and feel heard – with the brain more in mind. That’s also why I especially love Bob Moesta’s looking through other’s eyeballs at every exchange:-)

   Wish we could share more over coffee:-)
8. Susan Alexander December 27, 2011 at 8:24 am

   Dr. Weber:

   I love how you teach, and what it leads to:

   “[All topics must be articulated from opposing views. When students and faculty learn the tone skills to engage differences and build goodwill – even with those who disagree — sparks fly in delightful directions.”

   Being able to articulate and appreciate opposing views is a skill – and, like all skills, it must be practiced over and over.

   What’s so important about this particular skill is the impact it can have in all facets of life, from personal relationships to world peace.

   You’re right – everyone who’s willing to speak and be heard plays a part in these good things.

   Susan
9. Susan Alexander December 27, 2011 at 7:00 am

   Thanks also to John B and Leo. I’m going to have a look at Tim Sander’s book. John wrote that it speaks of being careful about “what we feed our minds.” I’m especially interested in how Sanders’s perspective fits with Csikszentmihalyi’s research on ordered consciousness, which I wrote about here http://bit.ly/vnuvfF

   Great discussion everyone. Thank you!
   Susan
10. eweber Post authorDecember 27, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Thanks Susan – a hearty yes, I agree that Bob Moesta’s strategy works wonders. It’s also easy to articulate to one’s brain – so you remember it on a good day:-) It’s fun to see Bob wield it so well too – because it shows up in the conclusions he draws and the team process he inspires! People speak and feel heard with Bob and his amazing team of leaders! I am deeply humbled to have been introduced and work alongside them.

    Enjoyed your professor’s tactics too! Since I teach leadership with the brain in mind, at University graduate schools – I too have one key requirement. All assignments must double as brainpowered tools to improve leadership at work, and all topics must be articulated from opposing views. When students and faculty learn the tone skills to engage differences and build goodwill – even with those who disagree — sparks fly in delightful directions.

    Bravo to Bob Moesta and your model professor — and for each person here who is willing to speak and be heard. That’s the stuff of amazing peace with robust innards!
11. Susan Alexander December 27, 2011 at 6:38 am

    Dr. Weber:

    I think the world would be much closer to peace if everyone adopted Bob Moesta’s daily practice of seeing things through other people’s eyes.

    I’m reminded of my favorite professor in law school, who required that answers to exam questions be written in a particular format. Instead of the usual free form legal analysis of a fact pattern, this professor required us to argue both sides of every issue raised in a fact pattern. Which meant we had to take on the role of advocate for both sides of what amounted to a simulated case being argued before a court.

    This exercise proved invaluable once I started practicing, because by then, I’d started thinking that way. I wasn’t only cognizant of my own arguments (as so many advocates are). I knew and appreciated the other side’s contentions and the underlying reasoning. I saw the whole equation and how it fit together.

    This is exactly what conflict resolution requires – a clear view of the whole equation. Getting to that clear view is a skill we all can practice and improve. So it’s very good of people with a voice, like you and Bob Moesta (and my professor) to get the word out on how important it is to hone that skill.

    Best,
    Susan
12. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Thanks Leo, your post reminds me how closely connect are beliefs to the practices that follow.

    If one believes that conflicts can be transformed by robust peace plans – one sets peace as the goal to go for regardless of the personal cost.

    Brings us to reconsider the greatest peacemakers of humankind – and this amazing season reminds of those from all faiths. It’s the peace that binds us across nations and reminds us of the privielge to walk humbly together. Worth the cost – yes:-) as you stated better than me.

    Many thanks for jumping in to help us add substantive flesh to the post’s bare bones here. Peace takes insights from many! What hope you and others here offer! Imagine a new kind of 2012 as peacemaker ideas roll into lived experiences! Count me in:-)
13. Leo December 26, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Dr. Weber

    Great post for this. I like the opinion of John. It starts from the personal level (core values). Thank you for sharing Tim Sander’s “Today We are Rich”. An inspiration to feed our attitude of gratitude minds.

    You’re right Ellen to choose wisely and be thankful as a way to help build a culture of peace to our community – it’s a must.

    Thank you for sharing. I am humbled to read your post!
14. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    John, so many thanks for the amazing additions you added to 2012 plans for peace.

    I agree that peace is a lofty goal – yet like you do too I see it as also a star worth shooting for.

    Love your notion of stepping back to “start somewhere” meaningful. Our own stories really would begin to undo the hard-wiring of our psyche’s that focus on revenge. Yes! The brain rewires itself nightly on what we do on the day ahead. So it happens just as you suggest!

    Perhaps forgiveness is simply the start for many of us. So too is “how we spend our time and resources and what we choose to share from our experience.” Would you agree that only when we become aware of the warlike culture created – we are ready to cultivate its opposite in specific areas that pull people down.

    I’ve already made note of Tim Sander’s “Today We are Rich” as inspiration to feed my mind and build new gratitude muscles.

    Thanks John, for the cool reminder to “Choose wisely and be thankful, to help build a culture of peace. What a lovely gift to start a peacemaker year! May yours be especially blessed!
15. John B December 26, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Dr. Weber

    What a great post and lofty goal to aspire to! And with all goals, well you have to start somewhere. If we each as individuals can share stories of what we’ve done to make a difference we can begin to undo the hard-wiring of our psyche’s that focus on revenge.

    IMO It must start at a personal level, certainly forgiveness is essential. So to is how we spend our time and resources and what we choose to share from our experience. Tim Sander’s “Today We are Rich” has been a great source of inspiration for me this year. He speaks of being careful about “what we feed our minds” and about “building our gratitude muscles”.

    Choose wisely and be thankful, two things I can do more of to build a culture of peace.
16. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Susan – wow – spoken like a pro. Recent meetings I’ve had with Detroit leaders reminded me of just what you shared. We cannot always know what others think.

    They took it another step further that inspires me to step more from another’s perspective in the coming year. How so? Bob Moesta (from the RewiredGroup at http://www.therewiredgroup.com/ makes it a daily habit to see things through the other person’s eyes. It works.

    As you suggested – we learn from peace – we learn from one another – and it’s a winning challenge to try new ways to implement peace more as the year takes off!

    Thanks Susan! What a wonderful year it will be.
17. Susan Alexander December 26, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    Dr. Weber:

    Thank you for sharing the story you linked to. It closely parallel the one I wrote about. These words of the victim’s mother, Mrs. Johnson, jumped out at me: ”Look, you don’t know me. I don’t know you. Let’s just start with right now.”

    What profound insight, and what a good idea – to start with right now.

    So often we think we know each other, and even more than that, we think we know what each other thinks. Even when we’ve never even met! It’s so much easier to assume we know, and go forward based on our assumptions, which are so often wrong.

    From a book I read a long time ago, I learned something that’s stayed with me and made life a lot easier. In The Four Agreements http://amzn.to/uM3L9l , author Don Miguel Ruiz cautions against assumptions, especially those relating to the thoughts of others. When we want to know what someone thinks, we should ask them. When they answer truthfully, then we know. When they don’t (or we don’t ask), then we don’t know.

    It’s that simple. When I adopted that “agreement,” I realized how much time I’d spent trying to guess what others were thinking – when I could have just as easily asked, in many cases. And I realized how much inaccuracy I had been mired in from my own assumptions.

    As Mr. Israel pointed out, in the article you linked to, “A conversation can take you a long way.”

    He’s right. There’s so much to be learned from the examples of peace we’ve written about. There is every reason why those simple approaches should be adapted to global problems. I think there is hope that they will be. It’s so good of you to help spread these ideas.

    Susan
18. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Thanks for your kind words, Susan. Sadly an economy woven into war fears it will tank if we embrace peace. I remember having that same feeling when I left corporate to start Mita International Brain Center. What happens if I cannot pay healthcare and organizational benefits was the constant cry of my brain to incite fear in me until I took the plunge and saw otherwise.

    Yet the brain’s plasticity for change is there for all of us, as you say so well! Love Carol Dweck’s research on this topic.

    Wow – you retold NPR story said it all, about a close friendship that emerged between a former member of the Ku Klux Klan and a black woman who’d grown up fearing and hating the Klan. We saw similar magic at http://twurl.nl/cbczb1 from the peaceful resolution in a woman who embraced murderer of her only son and only child.

    Inspiration to all of us to give peace a try! Thanks for stirring opposites that allow us to see more as others do, from both sides of the brain
19. Susan Alexander December 26, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    Dr. Weber:

    You make so many good points.

    There does seem to be, as you say, a “collective IQ” in place about war, enabled and fueled by the media and government. It’s not surprising, because it takes so much effort (and courage) to stand out and think critically about what we hear and observe.

    The lure toward games and toys seems to suggest a deep-seated tendency or interest in aggression. Some seem to take pleasure in simulation, while others avoid it completely. I wonder why that is. I suppose many factors come into play.

    The good news is that it’s very possible for people change – in many ways, including changing their thoughts and beliefs. That’s what Carol Dweck’s research bears out. Her findings are completely contrary to what she calls the “brutal pessimism” underlying the notion that the way we are now is the way we always have to be.

    In the context of bringing about peace, I’m reminded of a true story I heard on NPR, about a close friendship that emerged between a former member of the Ku Klux Klan and a black woman who’d grown up fearing and hating the Klan. The two were cleverly chosen by a member of the local government to implement desegregation in their region of North Carolina. In the first meeting between them not a single word exchanged. Over time, though, the two began to see that their lives and interests were more similar than different. They grew to care deeply about each other and their shared effort. It was at that point that they successfully implementing desegregation together (and staying close friends for the rest of their lives).

    To me, it’s a beautiful story, as well as concrete proof that the ideas you propose in your post are very viable.

    Thank you again for such good writing, and for your kind words about my blog.

    Susan
20. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Thanks Susan for your thoughtful comments, and for showing us another entryway into peace! It’s amazing how collective IQ can slip into one way of thinking when media and government trends push politics of war from one direction only. For years I too bought into the “What about Hitler? notion that it takes killing some people to restore “liberty” to others. Yikes!

    Love your disruptive innovation insights at http://gooddisruptivechange.com/ too. How refreshing to rethink the foundations that pulled us down so far in the last decade, and to exchange new possibilities that might reshape a finer future!

    Robust peace plans so differ from the weak place ascribed to them by hardened warrior opinions. With a bit more balance we can show how so in 2012.

    Recently I heard a highly respected leader on the “View” suggest that nobody wants war. Yikes – I though – what about the games, toys, slogans, teeshirts and song that shout otherwise. Or dangers of using more drones where we recreate the violence from places where humans enjoy the rush but pay no cost for spilling blood?

    It’s a year of new beginnings if we re-examine the myths and include more equal attention to how robust peace plans could boost our collective IQ for global harmony. Imagine the west as example of what that looks like!

    Have a wonderful 2012 – Susan – and thanks for your own peaceful leadership!
21. Susan Alexander December 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Dr. Weber:

    What a thoughtful, much-needed post. “What ifs” are so useful for sparking thought and dialogue – so much more so than talk about “what is.”

    I’ve found myself in the company of people who have seemed to accept war, without any apparent analysis. I’ve had soldiers and former soldiers tell me that war is what they want to do – it’s what they’ve trained for, and they hope they’re ordered to go and fight.

    I talked recently with some people who said they believe that our efforts in Iraq were “the right thing to do.” That was their focus – they didn’t want to talk much about the aftermath. It comes with the territory, and they seem to love the territory.

    I’m outnumbered in these conversations. The notion that I just don’t accept war as the necessary solution in most cases is just lost on people. They cringe when I mention it – the look on their faces says to me that they think I don’t know what I’m talking about.

    Which is why I love seeing posts and writings like yours. Brain rewiring is indeed what’s needed. For that to occur, our side of it needs to be clearly articulated, over and over and everywhere. You’ve done just that, so very well. Thank you.

    All the best for a great 2012.

    Susan
22. eweber Post authorDecember 26, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    So agree Robyn. To rewire a human brain’s plasticity is to act opposite of any flawed belief or practice. As long as we buy into the myth that violence begets peace we’ll justify more guns and gridlocks.

    To cultivate the humility of peacelowers is to act opposite those who shoot for personal or national gains. Imagine a peaceful 2012 – where war stories because a legacy of peace for our grandchildren!!! They so deserve this and so do we:-)
23. Robyn McMaster December 26, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Unless we teach and learn the ways of peace to make them practical realities in our own lives, we cannot turn around a mindset for war and revenge. It takes doing things differently.

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