Grief is one of the most profound human experiences, a force that can feel overwhelming and inescapable. As Jamie Anderson eloquently put it, “Grief is just love with no place to go.” When we lose someone or something dear, our emotions surge in waves of pain, loneliness, and regret, often leaving us feeling stuck. However, our brains are designed for adaptation, and by applying a growth mindset, we can navigate grief in a way that allows for healing, transformation, and even new beginnings. Before we can create a community or workplace where those who are grieving, secretly or openly, feel supported, valued and understood, we’ll want to look at our brain’s role in healing after loss.
The Brain’s Role in Grief and Healing
Grief is not just emotional; it has deep neurological roots. When we experience loss, the brain’s stress response activates, flooding us with cortisol, the hormone that helps us survive emotional trauma. In the short term, this response protects us from shutting down completely. However, if grief becomes prolonged or unresolved, excessive cortisol can impair our ability to think clearly, regulate emotions, and move forward from pain and suffering caused by grief.
The good news is that the brain’s plasticity, or the ability to change and adapt, means that healing is possible. By engaging in intentional practices that promote resilience and perspective, we can strengthen neural pathways associated with hope, connection, and well-being. A growth mindset equips us to believe that we can adapt and learn through hardship, and this mental and emotional fact becomes a crucial tool in our grief process.
Embracing Growth While Honoring Loss
A growth mindset does not mean pushing grief aside or pretending pain does not exist. Instead, it allows us to hold space for our sorrow while also fostering a belief that healing is possible. Traditional grief models often focus on moving through defined stages, but grief is not linear. Just as we do not master a skill overnight, we do not “complete” grief. Instead, we learn to integrate loss into our lives in a way that allows us to keep growing.
Some people may initially respond to loss by withdrawing into sadness, while others may try to distract themselves with busyness. Neither response is inherently wrong, but both can become barriers if they prevent us from moving forward over time. A growth mindset invites us to ask: How can I learn from this pain? What can this experience teach me about love, resilience, and my own strength?
The Role of Perspective in Healing
Our thoughts shape our emotions, and re-framing our perspective on loss can be a powerful step toward healing. For example, if the pain of loss feels unbearable, we can gently re-frame it as evidence of deep love. If memories of a loved one bring sadness, we can also find ways to celebrate the joy they brought into our lives. This shift does not erase grief, but it allows space for both sorrow and gratitude.
For example, I once struggled to walk past a staircase where a dear friend had lost her life. The pain was overwhelming. But when I re-framed the staircase as her path to eternity, where she was now at peace, the unbearable ache softened. This shift did not eliminate my grief, but it allowed me to move forward without being consumed by it.
Practical Steps for Growth-Based Healing
Healing from grief is not about forgetting or replacing what was lost but about creating space for new experiences. Here are some growth mindset approaches that can help:
1. Accept the Fluidity of Grief. Understand that healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and setbacks are part of the process. Just as we learn from failure when developing a new skill, we learn from moments of deep sorrow as we heal.
2. Re-frame Loss with Purpose. Instead of focusing only on what is gone, consider how the experience of love and connection has shaped us. Ask, What did this person or experience teach me? How can I carry their influence forward?
3. Engage in Meaningful Activities. Our brains thrive when we create. Engaging in music, writing, art, or movement can help us express grief while also building new neural pathways associated with hope and joy.
4. Surround Ourselves with Support. The people who help us heal are often those who offer unconditional love rather than prescriptive advice. Seek out friends, family, or support groups who allow us to grieve in our own way while also encouraging growth.
5. Recognize the Role of Neuro-chemicals. While cortisol can weigh us down, serotonin, the “hope” chemical, can help lift us up. Activities such as exercise, spending time in nature, and small acts of joy can help regulate brain chemistry and create a sense of possibility.
Moving Forward in Our Own Time
Healing from loss is deeply personal, and there is no universal timeline. What matters is allowing ourselves to feel, to grow, and to embrace the idea that new joy can exist alongside old sorrow. A growth mindset does not mean eliminating pain, but it does mean believing that pain does not have to define us forever.
By applying what we know about the brain’s ability to adapt, we can honor our grief while also opening the door to new experiences, relationships, and hope. In time, the same brain that once felt overwhelmed by sorrow can become the source of resilience, transformation, and renewed love.