Before we see how mindset matters we may first want to see how a low EQ fails to grow a healthy culture. Toxic cultures exist in college classes, average work places, and dysfunctional living arrangements and any setting where collective EQ remains low. Here criticism scores higher than support and encouragement. EQ tends to grow and we prosper with genuine praise for what we do or did well!
Not to say we avoid growth! When we ask questions to ourselves and others with kindness we open inner and outer spigots into wonder we can all live with. We help to raise individual and collective EQ. Quick advice as critique, often brings an opposite and miserable effect however. How so?
Criticism (both individual and collective) sends toxic hormones such as cortisol surging to our brains in a way that shuts down motivation and prevents progress or growth. EQ grow starts with our kindness to self!
Cortisol is a toxin that releases stress chemicals to harm us whenever we criticize others or are criticized by others or even by judging ourselves harshly. Self – criticism may be the worse emotional, mental or spiritual attacks we can get of these dangerous toxins. Shut downs can come from cortisol that releases at even the most subtle or disguised put downs!
We often intuitively know and are inwardly injured when we are judged negatively. Similarly we are disadvantaged in the same toxic ways when we are ignored, criticized or misunderstood, especially by folks we care for. Such criticism sends toxic chemicals that shut down our prefrontal cortex, that part of our brain that equips us to make decisions, and enables us to choose thoughtful actions rather than default to poor choices.
So how then do we let tots, teens or teachers know when we disapprove of their words or actions?
A growth or a grace mindset sets us up to help more than hinder ourselves and others, even when we disapprove. For instance such a mindset will equip us to disagree without being disagreeable. Let’s say we ask thoughtful questions to others, in a sincere way, and without negative judgements, to learn from their responses. And when others detect that we hear without negative judgements, we find ourselves transforming critical words and actions, into a caring and compassionate growth and/or grace mindset.
The above four questions, which I also explore more fully in my latest two books showcase practical advantages of a growth mindset and a grace mindset as superpower tools. I’m referring to armor and fuel for enjoying a life where we awaken loving-kindness, empathy, healing and hope! Yes, even when challenges arise and when we feel the need to build resilience to achieve our goals!
These two books above are found online and in most bookstores. The book ACCESS OUR GRACE MINDSET is also out now in audible wherever audio books are sold!
The 2021 book, The Teen’s Growth Mindset Workbook, is interactive and helps young people tap into newly discovered capabilities of a fantastic teen and adult brain!
The 2022 book, Assessing Our Growth Mindset: Awaken Loving-Kindness, Empathy, Healing and Hope, offers us doable tips to activate and use the mental, emotional and spiritual tools we already possess to live and nurture a grace and growth mindset.