To heal from trauma such as guilt or regret we seek safer, secure spaces to bounce back, rather than expect to change others who abuse or accuse. We learn where to find courage and confidence to separate ourselves from the source of suffering and how to silence an inner critic with endless unconditional kindness.
We may listen to hear harmony in a cricket’s song, or walk alongside a bubbling brook. We acknowledge the genuine suffering that can follow trauma. We notice how we are less likely to harshly judge our inability to regulate emotions. When we build a trusting bond with ourselves and others we stoke the brain to heal and move past the pain of regrets and guilt that’s often self-imposed.
Whereas joy and sheer delight flow from grace as our lived experiences, sorrow from regrets stick our souls to sadness like Velcro clings to itself.
Perhaps we lost cherished relationships, and feel we could have done more to nurture them. Or maybe we fail to cherish ourselves and so we neglect the gifts we’ve been given, leaving us feeling lost and lonely. One way to treat trauma caused by regrets, using neurobiology of wellbeing, is to share our best strategies for regaining joy as our launching pad forward. How so?
It may start with a simple yet passionate creative endeavor. Use any one of our eight intelligences. Start with a particular passion and create a plan that benefits ourselves and others. Make inner care first and foremost! Toss in kindness and unconditional love for ourselves and all creation to complete the creation that adds joy in its process.
Express thanks for the fact we are loved by our creator and perhaps even by one person and then watch how challenges that creep in to accuse us or tell us we are unloved, soon begin to fade. As we begin to operate our day out of thanks we find pleasure in even the tiniest blessings from life once again.
Finally, tell somebody else who expects it least that we genuinely love them and watch how grace improves, inspires and transforms our mindset into delightful daily experiences.
Dostoyevsky identified how this grace-mindset approach awakens and affirms loving-kindness in us best in, The Brothers Karamazov.
‘Love all God’s creation … and every grain of sand in it… Love every leaf, every ray of God’s light. Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to understand it everyday. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all embracing love…. Things flow and are indirectly linked together, and if you push here, something will move at the other end of the world. If you strike here, something, somewhere, will wince; if you sin here, something somewhere will suffer.”
And there’s much more … A grace mindset gives us strength to combat guilt with forgiveness that forces failure from regrets into its proper place! It opens us to become present, alert and about to do something brand new, as our strategy to shift away from trauma’s triggers with their guilt that short circuits the brain’s capability to act calmly. When grace removes guilt, anxiety no longer overwhelms or shuts us down.
As our lived experience, grace becomes the handmaiden of wisdom, and the heavy lifter of possibilities to resolve problems that result from trauma. How we spend our grace is how we strengthen our possibilities and flourish without shame. Yet we may need daily prompts for grace to mature into heavenly joy at the same time we use it to grow character traits such as courage, resilience, and tolerance. Those daily reminders or simulators may come from a trusted friend, over lunch, or from reading an inspired book under a tree or near a babbling brook. Wherever they originate they help us to run from an inner critic that tethers us to regrets and causes us to default to toxins such as cortisol which fuels continual inner critic remorse.
What first joyful step awaits our next grateful move in the world of grace where everything is free and without guilt attached?
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