More and more we must endure fights between leaders with few facts from either, in what’s billed as debate yet illustrated as brawls. It happens in US politics and also among Canadian leaders. Why lead with insults to the other side and miss innovational opportunities on ours?
Sadly the brain works against good ideas that could improve situations for all, when we lower our tone to trash the other side, and avoid awesome opportunities to offer a finer plan to implement. With every snarky remark about opponents we lay down new neural connections for more of the same.
What tone have you used or observed that helps us take topics to a deeper level where differences help us all learn more? It takes turning personal feels into tone skills for growth! If you’ve ever enjoyed a hot discourse – with respectful insights on opposite sides, you’ll see how tone works to keep insights alive! The opposite is also true. One personal attack can cut the wonder and upset the apple cart so the wise participants tend to turn away. There is a reason in human brains why tone skills work and poor tone kills conversations every time.
It doesn’t take grueling effort to grow our intelligence. Nor do we need rocket science to attain brilliant tone that avoids attacks. Minds literally rewire to create mind-bending possibilities when we look beyond problems (such as attacks from others) with an open mind. How so?
If we toss limited solutions into communications that failed in past to resolve conflict we’ll lose yet again. Sadly we watch leaders perpetuate mental misconceptions about ways to win by snarking back at those who differ or disagree. See why hatred and division likely wins here or why genius gets shut out?
Meanwhile toxic circles hold back progress for most of us. How often have you been inspired by an innovative idea that would benefit all concerned, yet it seems to take too much energy to unleash your unique capabilities to hatch the idea? Especially in a climate where hatred appears to stir up under leaders that attack those who disagree.
But more smarts are attainable in good tone and it doesn’t take grueling effort to increase your reach through interpersonal intelligence.
You may be surprised to discover the key to mental success is less about attacking others and more about taking risks for the change you crave.
Intelligent people generate curiosity so that good tone has them on the cutting edges of new discoveries, rather than clinging to tired opinions or feeding attacks.
Instead of asking, “Where did others fail?” they ask, “How can I improve our situation?”
Instead of anticipating problems, they turn their attention to solutions that bring others tangible benefits.
Brain gurus would say, “They generate new neuron pathways to get more of what we all want.”
Feeling stupid is a learned behavior that results in attack on any others who cross or question our ideas. Good news is that we replace limiting thoughts with possibilities when we consider neuro discoveries and when we observe our awesome brains at work.
A great way to replace common misconceptions about attacks as tools – is to adopt a few life-changing facts about your brain. How so?
Simply put, “rewire” your mind to create one long lasting change for yourself and others today.
Here are some myths and realities about the brain that show how tone skills work well – while attacks kill.
Myth No. 1: “I’ll look weak if I appear to learn from others.”
Reality: Intelligence is not fixed, as we once believed. Biological research tells us brainpower expands with challenges and with humility to question and learn from alternative views.
Brains are hard wired to unscramble complex puzzles and provide answers to even unfamiliar problems, when we use tone skills to communicate and avoid attack skills that shut down ideas.
Myth No. 2 : “When others outshine me I’m unable to lead my own valued goals.”
Reality: If you think your opportunities have passed by and it’s too late to succeed, these counter productive expectations actually default you back into limiting results. See a pattern?
Why not challenge each of your multiple “intelligences,” through good tone practices so that you grow new connecting brain cells called dendrites, which amp up growth in multiple ways.
Good news is that the brain’s plasticity (or ability to change itself) continues well into our senior years.
Myth No. 3: “If I work harder and longer than others, I’ll beat them to the prize.”
Reality: Sadly, when we work harder and longer, so that we sleep less, we work against rather than with our brains. Lack of sleep affects our mental progress and causes us to attack others when we disagree. Did you know, for instance, that your brains rewires completely each night as you sleep.
It’s also true that rewiring is based on the previous day’s activity. Insist on outshining others or attacking their talents, and you’ll wake up with a propensity to attack and compete again that day.
Myth No. 4: “Others in my family are much smarter than me.”
Reality: We enjoy success because of genes we are born with and also as a result of approaches and patterns we learn through life.
For instance, great questions influence achievement since questions build curiosity for wonder and enable us to act more from a sense of discovery and delight than from tired routines.
Questions help us to prevent the attacks that lead to failure when we diminish others.
If you feel others in your family are smarter, try asking, “How can I approach this old problem in a new way?”
Myth No. 5: “I can’t remember things I need to communicate solutions.”
Reality: Memory is more connected to how you store and retrieve information than to general mental abilities. How so?
Link new ideas to something you already know or do well, in much the way you’d hang a hat on a hook. Surprising as it may seem, your brain comes equipped to retrieve and use cool new ideas that link to what you already know or do.
Myth No. 6: “Some things bug me and I can’t help that I attack stupidity.”
Reality: We’re never stuck in our attacks, nor do they define your brain’s best approach! Luckily the opposite it true – your brain is miraculously flexible and can convert attacks into the calm communication that adds wellbeing.
Serotonin is the mental hormone that increases calm, contentment and clear thinking through good tone practices. The hormone cortisol leads to panic and anxiety that attacks others.
Did you know that good tone that builds goodwill with those who disagree – literally decreases dangerous cortisol chemicals in your brain and in others? Or are you aware that exchanging an attack from a respectful question, stimulates serotonin hormone levels?
These few facts about your brain can improve your inner voice first so it’s not surprising that serotonin can also change how you respond to challenges such as discouragement, stress, failure and frustration. Worth a try next time you feel an attack coming on?
If you are interested in learner materials that teach good tone practices in ways that sidestep attacks – you can find ready-to-roll tone building curriculum at my TPT site. Each resource comes with a video description to show what’s included and offer suggestions for use.
How will your learning circle build tone tools to engage the other side and how will you apply serotonin tools to lead brilliantly across differences?
YOUR TURN! Join our Brain Based Circles! Would love to meet you at any of the following!